Written by:
Jeffrey Salvado
Props needed:
Starbucks cups
Book (How to get a girl… If you’re a girl)
Characters:
Jasmin Tan as Alyssa (Alex): Girly-girl who thinks she may be a lesbian
Angeli as Cristina (Cris): Long-time lesbian who talks to Alex about being gay
Setting: Starbucks Torre Lorenzo
Scene: Alex is curiously reading a book about being a lesbian while sipping some coffee. She seems anxious and confused at the same time. She wants to learn more about her newfound sexual orientation but she feels that she needs to learn a lot before being a full-fledged lesbian.
Alex: Parang ang hirap naman nito… Ang dami kong kailangang baguhin!
(Cris enters the café. The book Alex is reading catches her attention and she approaches)
Cris: Interesting book!
Alex: (trying to hide the book) Ha? Wala to!
Cris: (Inaagaw ung book) Nakita ko na e! (nakuha ung book) Oooh…
Alex: Wala yan!
Cris: Hmmm… So you’re a lesbian?
Alex: A… I’m not sure yet.
Cris: So why are you reading this book?
Alex: I’m trying to find out!
Cris: (laughs)
Alex: Anong nakakatawa dun?
Cris: Hindi mo naman kailangan ng book para malaman kung lesbian ka e!
Alex: Ganun ba? (irritated) Bakit mo alam? Tibo ka ba?
Cris: (proudly) Yes!
Alex: ….
Cris: What? You can’t tell?
Alex: (a little ashamed) Sorry…
Cris: Looks like you have a lot to learn… I’m Cris by the way.
Alex: Cris?
Cris: Yup. (whispers) Short for Cristina.
Alex: Ah… Ako pala I’m Aly… I mean… I’m Alex.
Cris: Oh hi Alex.
Alex: So, you can’t find out if you’re a lesbian or not by reading a book?
Cris: You sure can’t.
Alex: So pano mo malalaman?
Cris: Ewan. You just… feel it I guess.
Alex: Ikaw ba, pano mo nalaman na tibo ka?
Cris: Ano ba? I just felt it nga!
Alex: Ang labo naman! Kwento mo naman ung epiphany mo, ung (emphasize) Araby moment mo! (HUMALIT joke. Haha!)
Cris: Mahabang istorya e.
Alex: Sige na, para malaman ko kung tibo nga ako.
Cris: (sigh) Sige na nga.… It started nung grade 6 pa ko. I started to notice that I was different from all my friends. They all talk about boys and how they make them feel, na kinikilig-kilig pa sila pag nakikita nila crush nila sa school, na it makes them want to look pretty for them…Ako I felt nothing. Sure may mga nakikita akong gwapo sa school pero for some reason hindi ako nagkakagusto sa kanila. Not like my friends.
Alex: So nun palang alam mo na?
Cris: Well syempre di pa kagad! Malay ko ba late bloomer lang ako!
Alex: E so pano mo nga nalaman?
Cris: Teka lang! Wag kang magmadali! So anyway, nung nag-high school ako, nag-transfer ako sa all-girls school. That’s when I had my Araby moment.
Alex: Can you elaborate?
Cris: (agitated) Ano ba? Binabayaran mo ba ko para magkwento?
Alex: Sorry na! It’s just that I’m so confused na!
Cris: (sigh) Hay, fine. So anyway, I got to know a lot of girls who were the same. While a lot of the other girls were busy learning how to put on make-up, kami, we just weren’t interested. Me and my closest kabarkada, Sam, used to make fun of all the girls sa bathroom na nag-iiyakan dahil sa boyfriend. Eventually, before graduation, naging kami.
Alex: Ganun kadali?
Cris: Syempre cliff notes version nalang to no!
Alex: So kayo pa rin?
Cris: Yup! Over two years na!
Alex: Wow…
Cris: I know right?
Alex: So you just fall for a girl then you’re a lesbian na?
Cris: Well, it’s not always that easy.
Alex: So pano ka nga makakasiguro? Do I have to be good at sports?
Cris: No, not necessarily.
Alex: Do I have to cut my hair short?
Cris: No, you can look however you want.
Alex: PWEDE PA BA AKO MAG-PINK?
Cris: OO NAMAN! Ano akala mo sa amin, may phobia sa color?
Alex: Just making sure…
Cris: You can wear whatever you want, you can style your hair however you want, and you don’t have to be good at sports.
Alex: Ah… Buti naman.
Cris: So, may tanong ka pa?
Alex: Well, there is this one little thing…
Cris: Ano yun?
Alex: Kaso nahihiya ako eh.
Cris: Sige na, minsan lang to.
Alex: Uhm… Sige… Wag kang tatawa a…
Cris: Well, depende.
Alex: (sigh) sige na nga. (whisper) how do two girls do it?
Cris: Ano? I can’t hear you.
Alex: (whisper louder) How do two girls do it?
Cris: Lakasan mo nga, di kita marinig!
Alex: (stands up) PANO NAGSE-SEX ANG DALAWANG BABAE!?
Cris: (calms Alex down, looks around to see if people are looking) Shhh!
Alex: …
Cris: Well, madali lang yan. (writes something down on a small piece of paper/napkin) Punta ka lang sa mga website na to.
Alex: Ano to?
Cris: Lesbian porn sites. Ewan ko nalang kung di ka matuto dyan.
Alex: Ha!? Eeeew!
Cris: Ano ba? Akala ko ba gusto mong matuto?
Alex: But this is so… naughty…
Cris: Ikaw dyan ung magtatanong tungkol sa sex tapos biglang it’s naughty!?
Alex: …Oo nga no… Sige na nga.
Cris: Yun lang ba? Alis na ko, baka nandyan na si Sam.
Alex: Wait lang. May tanong pa ko. So pano naging kayo ni Sam? Nanligaw ka ba?
Cris: Hindi na kami nagligawan no! Basta it just happened. I told her how I feel tapos sabi nya she feels the same way, tapos yun na.
Alex: So pano nyo nalaman kung sino guy sa relationship kung walang nanligaw?
Cris: Ano ba!? Hindi naman kailangan may “guy” at “girl” sa relationship e. Bakit ka pa magpu-pursue ng same-sex relationship kung may gender roles din kayo?
Alex: Hmm, sa bagay. So sino nagbabayad pag may date kayo?
Cris: Depende kung sino nagyaya or kung sino may pera.
Alex: Ah… Ayos a! E pano naman ako? Pano kung may gusto akong girl?
Cris: Edi kausapin mo!
Alex: Ano sasabihin ko? Ni hindi ko nga alam if she likes girls or not e!
Cris: Wala ka bang gaydar?
Alex: Ano un?
Cris: Dapat meron ka nun! Kahit straight people meron nun! Ung kahit hindi sabihin alam mo kung ano ang isang tao, whether he or she is gay or straight.
Alex: Ahh... Pano un? May nabibili bang ganun?
Cris: Wala! Trust your instincts lang!
Alex: Ah OK, sige try ko next time. So OK lang ba sa parents mo na lesbian ka?
Cris: Nung una syempre na-shock sila. Sayang daw ung ganda ko!
Alex: (di naniniwala)
Cris: (pause to see Alex’s reaction) moving on, nung una hindi sila makapaniwala. They said it’s just a phase that I’ll eventually grow out of. Pero in time they accepted me na din for the way I am.
Alex: Aww… Sweet naman ng parents mo!
Cris: Oo naman! (cellphone rings, Cris looks at the cellphone) Wait lang ha, si Sam. (answers) Sugar pie honeybunch! A kanina ka pa ba naghihintay? Sowwwy! Sige na, papunta na ko dyan. Love you sugar pie honeybunch! (keeps cellphone) Ayan, medyo galit na. Sige na, mauna na ko. I hope may natulong ako.
Alex: Oo naman! Thanks Cris! So I’ll see you around school?
Cris: A taga-La Salle ka din ba?
Alex: Yup! De La Salle-College of Saint Benilde!
Cris: Ay sorry, taga-main ako e.
Alex: Pareho lang naman yan e!
Cris: Sige, sabi mo eh. Anyway, kailangan ko na talagang umalis.
Alex: OK sige, bye!
Cris: Bye!
(Alex sits back, analyzes the book carefully)
Alex: Am I really a lesbian? Parang it’s not for me eh… (pause, thinks for a while)
(Alex stands up and heads for the door, intentionally dropping the book on her way out. A hot girl enters the café, Alex follows with her stare. Once the hot girl sits down, Alex walks back, picking up and dusting off her book)
Alex: Then again, it won’t hurt to give it a try won’t it?
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