Tired from Dubai

So I got back from Dubai a few days ago and quite frankly, I'm tired! Not just because of the 9-hour non-stop flight to and from the Middle Eastern city, but because I had to deal with my crazy family! It's the farthest and longest vacation we have had. Well, vacation doesn't seem like the appropriate word for what we did honestly. We toured a little bit but mostly what we did was shop. It was the Dubai Shopping Festival, and prices in Dubai are already low because they have no taxes. Prices are even lower because everything is on sale! Personally I finally got to buy Nike Rosherun shoes (around 2700 Php I think), new Ray Ban Aviators, a few clothes and a tablet!

I was actually looking for an Asus Transformer Trio to replace my laptop and be an Android tablet at the same time, but it's extremely expensive so I opted to buy the standalone Galaxy Note 10.1, which I got for less than half the price.

Good deals aside, it really was tiring, and because of all the shopping, and the eating, and the bathroom breaks, we didn't get to see everything in Dubai. I was really looking forward to seeing the top of the Burj Khalifa, or seeing the Burj al Arab up close, or even just seeing the Palm islands in the flesh, but we didn't get the chance because of all the waiting. And some of my travel companions are more interested in shopping, which is a real shame. Although we were gone for a week, I feel like we've been in Dubai for only a couple of days.

It was stressful to say the least. My mom and my aunt has been nagging non-stop too. One of my cousins, I found out, was also extremely racist. He kept talking about things like terrorism and how the people there were violent, which to my experience wasn't true at all. I actually tried to have a cigarette while I was there but I hated how it tasted and threw it away after one puff. I hope this really is for keeps.

***

I haven't been talking to her for a while. Well not really talking, but messaging on Facebook. She's never really given me the chance. I don't know if I should keep trying, that maybe if I just gave it enough effort, maybe she'd choose me over her ex, or if I should just take the hint and move on. Neither option is easy. I haven't been this attracted to someone in a long while. But if she's already decided then I won't force myself in.

Another week

And just like that, I made it to two weeks!

Been eating a lot though. And it's starting to show. It's a little depressing when some of the clothes I just bought last year don't fit anymore. And my new haircut doesn't help either! I made the mistake of asking the girl who cuts my hair about someone who recently died. I've been going to her for years now, but last December she didn't come to work because she's in mourning. I texted her my condolences, and only got to see her again last Wednesday, and stupid me asked who it was and how she died. It turns out it was her best friend, and she teared up a little while talking about how she died. And I guess she got too into telling the story that she didn't notice how much hair she has cut! I tried switching gears and asked her how Christmas and New Years went for her, but it was too late. The side and back of my head was so closely shaved and so high up that I looked like a fresh Marine recruit. And the shortage of hair made my fluffy cheeks even more obvious.

Elsewhere in my life, I do have a little bit something going on in the background. I've been crushing on this girl, which I will only call N, I see at church every Saturday for a while. It turns out we have a mutual friend, A. A told me that N and her boyfriend have been having problems, and that she suggested they break up. A gave me N's number and I've been texting her for a while.

She almost never texts back. She only replies when I ask her mundane questions like if she's going to a church activity that I'm going to, of which the answer is always no. I added her on Facebook and I commented on one of her posts about a dog. She messaged me after, just to say that the post was just a repost from Instagram (or should I say regram?), but it didn't matter. I was in.

We talked about a lot of things, our dogs, what we do for a living, our families, and so on. But every time I try to ask her out she stops replying. Then I change the subject and we talk again and everything seems like it's going well, then I ask her out then she stops replying. I stopped messaging her after a while, thinking this probably won't lead to anything, and just this morning, A told me she saw N talking on the phone, and before hanging up, saying I love you.

It hurt a little I guess, but she didn't exactly lead me on. She never agreed to meet me in person, although she never said no either. It's not like I love her, but it just seemed like such a perfect fit. It's been so long since I felt something for a girl, and I guess I was hoping this would be it. I'm already 27 and I want to have my own family soon. But I guess it won't be with her.

I suppose I'll be alone for a little while longer.

Me and my family are going to Dubai tomorrow. I'm not entirely sure what I'll do there but I'm excited. I don't have a lot of money to spend though, after taking my car back from the dealer, and that insurance policy I stupidly bought, but my mom will be there so hopefully money won't be an issue. Hey, who knows, maybe I'll meet someone there.

Cheers! Here's to hoping!

Open wide

This week, I'm officially smoke free! *confetti*

Each day the urge to smoke gets stronger. I guess my will to quit will only have to be even stronger.

It was a good week. Aside from not smoking, I was also in the gym every day. I feel like I have more energy and endurance since quitting, and it feels really good.

I got a text from one of my high school friends last Friday though. He wanted to know what my plans were and was wondering if I could go out with them. I thought it was high time I saw them again, I think it's been more than a year since I've seen any of them. I agreed to see them. I'm a little nervous since they'd probably want to drink, and you know what goes great with alcohol? Cigarettes. But I kind of missed them and I wanted to catch up, so I said I'll go.

Unfortunately that day there was also a special worship service for church officers such as organists like me. I didn't think it was that important and thought I could blow it off, or if I did go maybe I'll just meet with my friends after, but I changed my mind as the day went on. I went to the worship service, and man, I am so glad I did.

The sermon was about how officers shouldn't be fazed with problems of this world. That no matter how heavy our problems are, you should still consider them small and short-lived, especially when you compare them to the everlasting life that will be given as our reward if we continued our service to God. Personally my burdens are not that heavy, but the words really struck me. I know I'm very fortunate, but I've learned that even if I am not, even if I experience hunger or poverty or strife, I shouldn't give up my faith or my duty.

Since that day, I've had a renewed appreciation for my church duties, and I am thankful that God continues to entrust these duties to me.

I felt I needed to explain to the friend from high school which I stood up, so I messaged him on Facebook, but he hasn't replied. I guess it's or the better. Honestly I don't feel like I have a lot in common with them anymore, and I'd probably just feel out of place with them anyway.

I was really glad that I was able to go out last night though. One of my gym-mates invited me to dinner at a hidden restaurant in San Fernando, Pampanga. It was a pretty long drive, two hours at an almost-constant 100 km/h. It was a small place, and felt very intimate. I learned that the restaurant is by reservation-only, and can only accommodate up to 22 people for dinner, and needed to be a single group. There was a pretty long wait-list, up to July in fact, and that we were able to go there because the group reserved that day cancelled.

Outside, there was nothing to indicate that it was a sought-after restaurant. There were no gleaming signages, no bright lights, no long line of people waiting to be seated outside. It looked like an ordinary house. Inside however is a charming, eccentrically-decorated but homey space. The walls were all lined with shelves with a multitude of beer bottles, wine glasses, books and cooking instruments. There was utterly no space, from the walls to the tables to the chairs, without writing.

Our host was not a chef. He didn't go to any fancy culinary school here or abroad. But it doesn't make his food any less delicious. We were treated to a delicious and meticulously-prepared eight-course meal. Each course had long names consisting of the eclectic ingredients we wouldn't think would go together so well, but do. It was quite a show actually as we watched Chef Den prepare our meal in front of us, and how he explains how he prepared each dish as he serves it. This man is truly passionate about what he does.

More than that however it was a great bonding experience for us. It was the first time I went out with the group even though I see them almost every day, and being in such an intimate setting, felt much closer to them. The bottles of wine and my poison of choice, Black Label, only helped the loud conversations along. Chef Den even drank and talked with us until the late hours. It was a night of great food and great company.

I'm also glad that I was finally able to take my car (which I lovingly call Wacky, taken from my license plate's letters WQY) out of town, and that I was still able to hold liquor properly despite not having any practice.

It's been a great first week of 2015. This year I'm raising my glass and opening myself wide for new experiences. 

Day four

It's been four days since I had my last cigarette. I feel like celebrating. But the reward I want is a cigarette. But I know those four days will be for nothing if I gave in now. So I'm holding on as long as I can.

Four days doesn't sound that long but believe me, it's a major step for me. I've been smoking almost every day since I was 14 and it's the first time I haven't had a cigarette for this long.

I'm very proud to say that even when I was with my sister and my cousins who were my constant smoking buddies, I was able to resist asking for a puff. I was with them outside another cousin's party, and again at a Starbucks, which as most smokers would know, is the biggest smokers' hangout.

I've been eating more lately though but I think it's a fair trade off. In the long run this will be better. Right?

I still haven't slept properly these past few nights, but for some reason I have no problems sleeping in the afternoon, even with all the light, and even if I leave the TV on. I was still able to work out in the morning though, but with the lack of sleep I'm worried my body isn't recovering properly. Hopefully things get better soon. Might still be the effect of the colds. I switched to the drowsy kind of decongestants by the way.

Well honestly I still feel tired and sleepy and I can't think of anything else to write so I guess I'll end it here! Good night!

Rough start of the week

I couldn't sleep last night until about 1, and I had a major case of the sniffles. I was sneezing non-stop and my nose was so stuffy I couldn't breathe. So this morning I wasn't able to get up early, and I'm still feeling really bad, but it's the first Monday of the year, and I couldn't let my allergies get in the way of me starting my year right.

I rely on Google's Tasks everyday to remind me of things I need to get done. Today I had a few: pull-out my money from Cocolife, cancel my additional cellphone line, and set an appointment with my car's dealer for periodic maintenance. I was really bothered about the first two because they're expenses which I don't really benefit from. I went to Sun Cellular first because I know that would be a shorter conversation. Unfortunately I wasn't successful. I was talked into getting the additional plan because the guy I was talking to said that I could have it disconnected any time since there's no contract. Except that for the particular phone that I was getting for free, I just found out, there is a contract. And it's for 30 months. So I just bought a phone worth about 600-700 pesos for 3000. Damn it.

I had a feeling I wasn't going to do great with the insurance company either. Because for some reason whenever I'm unlucky with something, it affects the whole day. So anyway I get to their office. I called my bank to try and stop them from charging my card, but they simply said that I had to cancel the transaction at the same machine I swiped my card at. I tried e-mailing because I figured maybe someone in a higher position would have the authority to cancel transactions. They said the same thing. Never mind that I explicitly said I was scammed. Oh well. I guess there's no other way. So I get to their office, and looked for the agent who talked to me. I already came up with a story in my head: I would say that I'm having a family emergency but would not say anything more specific. If they prodded, I would reluctantly say that I got a friend pregnant (I already told them I was single so I can't go the girlfriend route). Beforehand I texted the agent but she didn't reply, but when I saw her at the office, she said she was able to read my texts but couldn't reply because she was with clients. In all fairness, she was very accommodating, and oddly enough, direct to the point. She didn't prod me for the reason why I was pulling out, but said that she will do her best and talk to her managers to try and pull out, but that she couldn't guarantee anything. I left, but after about 30 minutes she called me and said that because I already signed the contracts I couldn't change my mind at this point. Strike two, universe.

My card is maxed out and I am a little depressed so I did a little shopping. Hey, I'm already wasting money, 2 1/2 years for the cellphone I don't use, and 10 years for the insurance I didn't want. I couldn't let the parking fee go to waste! I didn't buy anything for myself though, I bought some treats for Tyrion, and some things I needed for my car. I couldn't afford the periodic maintenance now, heck, I probably won't be able to buy gas for the next couple of weeks! I might as well fix up what I can. The windshield washer was out of fluid, so I bought some, and I bought a deodorizing spray because for some reason, those little cork-like fragrances just don't work too well for my car. I also bought a new binder for my sheet music at church since there were so many new hymns released last year, and there's even more to come this year.

Finally I come home, disappointed, and kind of broke. I'm happy that I didn't spend too much though. I still feel really sick and honestly I just wanted to sleep the rest of the day, but it was the first Monday of the year, and even though I was sick, I trudged my sore ass to the gym. I'm happy to report that even though it's been a while since my last work out, I was able to keep up with the two classes I attended: suspension training and kettlebell. I felt lightheaded at times and my legs were burning, but perhaps because I didn't smoke the whole day, I made it through. Yay me.

Well, I guess that's it for now. It's quite late and I really need to get to bed early. Maybe tomorrow I can finally get up early. I took an antihistamine and a decongestant but it doesn't seem to be working. Oh well. All I can do is hope that tomorrow my luck will finally turn.

Taking it easy

So I know I've made this huge declaration about keeping my resolutions but it isn't easy. Especially since I have a whole pack of cigarettes in the house. So since the year started, I've been smoking about 1-2 sticks a day. Not bad considering my average was 5 last year. But tomorrow is the first Monday of the year, and I think it would be a better time to actually quit. I'll also be working out tomorrow (the gym was closed for the holidays) so hopefully I'll keep at it.

The reason I couldn't resist a smoke was that last Friday, after writing my post for the day, my mom asked me to drive her to her dermatologist. I thought it was going well, and I even played with the idea that I'd have a facial with her since I have a few blackheads I needed to take care of. But then she suddenly scolded me about how I talked to our maid that morning. I was pretty mad because the maid hasn't washed my toga which I last used in December 19, and it was already January 2nd. I guess I was a little loud since my mom talked to me about it after. It wouldn't have been a problem; one of the things I pride myself with is that I know when to admit I'm wrong. What I find irritating though is how big a deal she makes it seem when I get mad. I try my best to be cool and calm in every situation, especially when dealing with people I work with or work for me, but everyone has a breaking point, and yes, in some situations, you've got to blow up to get your point across. I can't just be the nice guy all the time.

Well, alright so maybe that is a lame excuse for smoking again. But one thing I learned about myself in this experience is that I hate it when people tell me I'm wrong, even though in my mind my actions were completely justified. Even more frustrating for me is that I'm not even given the chance to explain myself. Being the son of my mother, I know that explaining will only make the situation worse and she won't ever listen to reason because she'll always base her decisions on how she feels. So yeah, I kept my cool and said nothing even though I have a perfectly good explanation of why I get angry, and why sometimes I need to be angry. Good thing I have my dog waiting for me at home.

Tyrion, my beagle, is amazing. Yes he's peed and defecated on practically all our carpets. He puts in his mouth whatever the hell fits. He goes whichever way he chooses when I walk with him and only listens to me when I have a treat in my hand. But damn it I can't help but forgive him every time I see him go crazy each time I come home, or even when I go downstairs. He's always happy and excited to see me, and is always ready and willing to play with me. He always has so much energy, and he's just overall a great and loyal dog. He gives so much without expecting anything in return. Thanks to him I manage stress so much better.

Well alright I guess that's about it for now. It's Sunday and if I'm to keep my resolutions, I should go to sleep soon. Maybe one last cigarette before I give the whole carton away and get rid of the lighter and the ashtray...

Sleepy on the second

Today I woke up really tired. I don't know if it's my smoking (I had a few sticks yesterday), my allergies, or just the fact that I've been sleeping late these past few weeks. It's the last Holiday of the season, and by Monday it'll be back to regular programming. Hopefully I can bring my body clock back to normal by then. Sleeping early and waking up early to work out.

We had our year-planning today for the Children's Worship Service. We usually eat out while planning activities for the kids each month, and this year we had some Chinese food at King Chef. The food was good but took a very long time. Also we spent much more than what we usually spend at places like Shakey's or KFC. Of course the place was a bit more classy but I think my officers would have appreciated fast food better. The planning was alright, we repeated some of the activities we did last year but that's OK. I ate a bit too much and I really feel like smoking, but I'm fighting through it.

It's 2 in the afternoon and I still feel sleepy. Maybe it's the cold weather that's getting me down. Anyway I need to be productive. I was pressured to buy insurance at a mall last Tuesday and I'm regretting it now. I called my bank to have my credit card transaction cancelled, but the person I talked to said that I'd have to go back to the merchant so they can reverse it. The problem is I'm afraid I'll be sweet-talked into keeping my insurance anyway, and I'm such a sucker for sweet talkers. Back in October I was sweet-talked into buying skin products with Dead Sea salts worth 10,000 pesos. Lesson learned: never talk to any promoter, whether they are promoting a car, a card, or magical skin products that would make you look younger (no one has ever said I looked younger yet, and I've been using the damn things for almost three months!). They'll only take advantage of your kindness.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Wish me luck and a strong will to cancel my insurance application!

Happy 2015!

Hello blog!

Damn it's been a while. But it's the new year, and things tend to get started every new year, so I'm going to try this again and I'm going to try my very best to commit to writing again.

So last night was New Year's Eve in the Philippines, and it's always been a big thing here. Us in the family we always hold a big party at our grandma's place to wait out the passing of the year and watch fireworks. For the past couple of years though that tradition has been broken and we held smaller parties separately. Last year we went to my father's brother's house instead of being with my mom's extended (and big) family. This year though we held another large party but at our uncle's house instead of our grandma's. It was pretty great, being with most of my cousins again, my uncles and aunts, talking about the crazy things they did throughout the year. It wasn't as big as when I was a kid though, and even the neighbors don't seem to be having big celebrations either. There was hardly anyone using firecrackers (as opposed to when I was a kid New Year's Eve turned the streets into a warzone), but still it was a good night. Lots of good food, good company, what more could you ask for?

My second brother now being married though, this New Year became a bit more complicated. In the past we only had to choose between spending New Year's with our dad's family or our mom's family, but now we also had to go to my brothers' in-laws. We left early from our uncle's house to go to a hotel in Manila where his in-laws were staying and spend New Year's Eve there. It gave us a really good view of Manila's fireworks display and the large street party on Roxas Blvd. but without being surrounded by the family that I'm used to, I guess it's just not the same.

Wherever I was though, 2014 is ending and a new year is upon us once again. And even though it's just another calendar change and another few weeks of crossing out 2014 because you're still not used to writing 2015, most people have attached the new year with new beginnings, a clean slate, a fresh start. A chance to change, a chance to do everything over. You can't change the past, but you can definitely change how the new year will be. And in that spirit, I present to you, some of my resolutions (which are all a little cliche, I admit) that I am committing to this 2015:

1. Quit smoking

-I know I say this every year (hell, sometimes I say it every week) but I really do need to quit due to some health concerns. It worsens my allergies, my asthma, and it limits my capacity to do the next thing on my list...

2. Lose weight (or size)

-I was actually pretty successful in 2013 when I started working out regularly and did intermittent fasting. I didn't exactly lose a lot of weight but I was definitely smaller and healthier. I wasn't able to follow through with it last year, but I'm already 27 and I feel like if I don't take care of myself now I'll only be making it harder for my future self.

3. Write regularly

-And thus, the blog. I haven't written anything in a while, and I feel like I'm getting rusty. Writing is a great outlet for me, especially now that one of my best friends just decided to ignore me completely. I feel that the experience has made me stronger, and made me realize who I can truly trust. The wounds have healed but the scars are still there, and I hope that writing would help me finally close it.

Maybe I'll write about it on future posts, maybe not, who knows? But I do know one thing, I'll do my best to keep my commitments for the entire year, this blog included.

Happy 2015 everyone! May the year ahead be filled with success, and most importantly, passion.

as seen from the middle: On the national identity crisis

as seen from the middle: On the national identity crisis: http://www.rappler.com/nation/32495-filipinas-kwf-almario So apparently the Komisyon sa Wikang Filipino (Filipino Language Commission) and...

Just being honest

Things have been better. I guess I just needed to get my thoughts out. I've actually been seeing someone. She's quite busy with her studies so we don't see each other often, but I got to talk to her about what I was thinking the last time I had trouble sleeping. What I realized is that I've never been completely honest with the people around me, or even myself. I confessed that I was never a fan of confrontation, that even when my nerves are on end I still try my best to avoid conflict. I adjust my personality to accommodate other people. I always act the way the people around me expect to act. Sure I haven't had an argument in a long while, but after a while I feel like I've lost myself. And I haven't been able to truly connect with people. Well now that I've realized that, I guess it's about time I do something about it. I told her not to use a particular phrase that my ex always used, which she was fond of using as well. Thank goodness she took it well. It sounds horrible that I tell her what to do, but hey, I'm just being honest.

I've been working out a lot lately. One of the perks of owning (or being a COO-Child of the Owner) a business is that you get to set your own schedule. And becoming fit should definitely be on the schedule, every day. I guess working for my parents isn't so bad. This is where I have to be right now, and I'm free to do whatever I want with my free time, which is a lot, to be honest.

And to that end, I'm auditioning for a choir on Friday. I guess the best way to describe it is semi-professional. It's not like the church choir where anyone can join. It's more of an... Elite church choir. Haha. They sing at special events, mostly for the church as well, but they're not confined to a local congregation like the choir I'm in right now. I might get in, I might not, but hey, at least I'll rest easy knowing I tried. I need to be with people who I can draw inspiration from. Perhaps doing this will get me back to loving music again.